How to Plan Care for Aging Parents: A Complete Guide
We’ve said it before, but it is undeniably true: Making caregiving arrangements for aging parents can be a little like setting off into uncharted waters. After all, no two journeys are exactly the same; there’s definitely not a one-size-fits-all solution that’s appropriate for everyone, and sometimes—just sometimes—you receive conflicting and confusing information, advice, and guilt-inducing suggestions.
But where to begin? How to start? Aren’t there simply a million other things you’d rather be doing and discussing with your senior loved one than how they want to spend their so-called ‘golden years?’ As difficult as it might seem to get the conversation started, take heart and realize these initial conversations are just the beginnings of what will undoubtedly be several more conversations about the specifics of their ongoing care. After all, there’s a lot to discuss and a fair amount of decisions to be made.
As a starting point, you’ll want to know their preferences about living arrangements—the nuts and bolts of where, how, and under what circumstances. Next, it is helpful to identify their most pressing needs (physically, mentally, financially, etc.), maybe work through what’s negotiable (and what’s not), and ultimately begin taking the steps to prioritize it all. There will also likely be finances to review, legal needs to resolve, logistics to process before finally identifying the actual caregiving solutions available to you—all based upon their unique specific needs, the resources available, and even the demographics of the individual needing care.
It is also important to keep in mind the tendency of these discussions to be emotionally-charged simply based on the nature of what is being discussed. After all, who wants to talk about arranging care for someone who may not be able to completely care for themself either now or in the near future without assistance. To be sure, it can be a delicate dance between those needing care and those feeling responsible for arranging, coordinating, and possibly even paying for, the care.
Without a doubt, the best time to begin exploring the caregiving options for beloved family members is before their needs present as unquestionably urgent, before tensions are high, and before circumstances override the hopes and wants of the one receiving care. Sometimes this is possible; other times the needs of our aging loved ones seem to accelerate overnight. While it is important to have some sort of overarching long-term plan if possible, it is tremendously important to keep in mind that the caregiving plan for most seniors and the elderly is a highly fluid set of arrangements subject to change significantly and swiftly at a moment’s notice.
But whether plans and caregiving arrangements are well-planned and thoroughly thought through or quickly pulled together to accommodate emerging needs, many of the concerns of adult children charged with coordinating care for their parents are universal. Safety and security, happiness and engagement, long-term wishes, and legal provisions—all these details and more, quickly come to the forefront of concern when making major life decisions for the people you’ve always known as ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad.’
A Starting Point for the Biggest Issues
Our Senior Care Team at Mom’s Best Friend Senior & Elder Care are experts at addressing the key areas of concern most adult children face when making decisions in cooperation with or on behalf of their aging parents. Asking and getting answers to these important questions as part of crafting an overall senior care plan can ease the stress of so many unknowns, can provide provisions for future decisions, and can remove the stress of urgency for everyone involved. The result: everyone involved is freer to enjoy the relationships and the company of everyone involved in the caregiving journey.
From our extensive efforts working with and serving the elderly and their families, these present as the most important areas to initially address:
Health – Understandably, usually the first concern addressed is the overall physical and mental health of the senior adult. It is important to know where you’re starting from in terms of current medical needs and likely expected progressions. This likely includes a comprehensive physical as a good starting point. This should ideally include labs, physician recommendations, and a mental evaluation.
This is also a good time to identify the primary medical professional in charge of caring for your elderly loved one. It is important that this individual recognizes he/she is the captain of the ship, so to speak, of your loved one’s health journey. If at all possible, work to establish a relationship with him/her and make sure they are identified as the primary healthcare provider to all other healthcare professionals. This includes notifying them of the name and contact information of any other healthcare worker who provides care, prescriptions, therapies, or any other form of treatment. This is especially helpful in terms of minimizing potentially harmful interactions between prescription drugs issued by specialists.
Take the time to identify and make note of the hospital emergency rooms and urgent care facilities nearest your loved one’s location. Knowing who to call or where to go when time is crucial can be tremendously beneficial. And for seniors with chronic and/or progressive diseases, it is often helpful to accompany them to specialist appointments. These provide excellent opportunities to discuss anticipated progressions and what it can mean in terms of lifestyle management, medication needs and effectiveness, and even possible new and emerging treatment options. Understanding what conditions are likely to present themselves in terms of future limitations can make it gentler to ease into necessary accommodations as they arise.
Living Arrangements – Not surprisingly, most elderly adults want to remain in the comfort of their own home versus moving to an assisted care facility. The familiarity of what symbolizes home is a hard bond to break—especially when compared to so many of the unknowns of moving to new accommodations, living in very close proximity to new neighbors, and acclimating to new (and oftentimes bothersome) rules by which to live. It’s a lot to take on after 70, 80, or 90 years of independence and it is not always welcomed.
Finances, Insurance, and Legal Arrangements – As early as possible, it is important for those involved in making the caregiving decisions for their elderly loved ones to become fully aware of their loved one’s complete financial situation. This includes knowledge of all existing debts, investments, and financial accounts (including account numbers, passwords, and advisors where present). It is also helpful to have a general understanding of the individual’s spending habits and ongoing expenses such as utilities, food, and taxes. By understanding how much is available, how much is regularly going out, the current and anticipated cost of caregiving options, and insurance/Medicare provisions, financially sound decisions can be made for now with an eye towards the future.
Regarding insurance, it is imperative that someone within the senior’s family or a designated individual stay up-to-date on all outstanding insurance policies. This person should know of all active policies for home, auto, health, long-term care, and life. A regular review of policy specifics such as deductibles and the extent of coverage can be especially helpful for avoiding any surprises in terms of unexpected gaps in coverage and unplanned expenses, especially as they relate to medical bills.
It can be very helpful to know what legal arrangements are in place concerning the one receiving the care, the one paying for it (if it is a different person), and the professional contacts of any involved legal entities. This includes knowing who is charged with handling the administrative details of any financial instruments, if a will is in place, where it is located, and who the executor is. Other legal arrangements to consider seeking professional counsel on include final resting/burial preferences (and/or prepaid plans), DNR directives, organ donation, and options as they relate to incapacitation and end-of-life decisions.
As we said at the start, these discussions on aging and all that comes with advanced years are likely not top of everyone’s ‘want’ to-do list, but a bit of talking and planning in advance can prevent much stress and uncertainty. And keep in mind, beginning these talks as nothing more than a casual conversation can be a great starting point. If decisions don’t have to be made immediately, work to learn what’s most important to them going forward, how they see themselves living in the next year, the next five years, the next decade. These can be enlightening conversations and opportunities to serve—especially with the assistance of those who have walked this path before.
At Mom’s Best Friend, our Senior & Elder Care Specialists consistently visit with aging seniors and their adult children facing these choices. From the start, our goal is to do everything possible to honor the wishes of seniors, especially those wanting to remain in their homes for as long as possible. For decades now, we have been able to accomplish this through compassionate care, companionship, and high-touch communication–the benchmarks of Mom’s Best Friend Senior Care Caregivers.
Many times what we find in the beginning of a caregiving journey, is that just the regular presence of a trained and trusted Senior Care Specialist is sufficient to allow for years and years of semi-independent living in a senior’s own home. Our caregivers are uniquely trained to help identify and meet the needs of the seniors they care for as long as needed and to keep family members regularly and fully apprised of their loved one’s status. It’s a collaborative effort by our team that has worked exceptionally well for families that have come to trust us for decades.
From the start, the goal of Mom’s Best Friend Senior & Elder Care Division has been and will always be to serve aging seniors and the families who care for them and to provide the best care possible in the most heartfelt manner possible. Our team would welcome the opportunity to come alongside and serve your family on this journey.
Our services are available across the DFW Metroplex, in cities like Dallas, Highland Park, University Park, Plano, Frisco, Southlake, Flower Mound, Argyle, and more.
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