Elderly Care During Holidays: A Guide for Dallas Families
As if the holidays aren’t busy (and sometimes stressful if we’re being honest!) enough, when you add in the logistics and the emotional energy that comes into play when helping to care for an elderly parent, it’s enough to make Grinches out of just about anybody. Yes, there are wonderful memories to be recalled and valued family traditions to be upheld, but there’s also so much more to the mix. Add in layers of scheduling and accommodating, family dynamics that always seem to be amplified, and the oftentimes fluctuating emotional state of our loved ones, and feeling overwhelmed is just the start of it.
If you’re fortunate enough to have a trusted and beloved senior caregiver who works with your loved one, consider that a huge head start. Knowing your family member is in the care of a loyal and reliable and capable caregiver is a present that transcends any gift wrapped box underneath the tree. There simply isn’t a bow big enough for the comfort level senior caregivers provide those in their charge and those who love them. Still, it is imperative to remember during the holidays—especially during the holidays—that working well with your caregiver goes well beyond simple coordination, transportation, and schedule alignment. Working well with your family’s caregiver ultimately calls for the effort any strong relationship requires—trust, respect, and common interest. A strong, collaborative partnership with your loved one’s senior caregiver is a gift to everyone involved.
Throughout the years, experience has taught our caregiving team at Mom’s Best Friend Senior and Elder Care a handful of helpful tips that can make all the difference in the world in how your family’s holiday plans play out. Crazy, chaotic, and exhausting or planned for and enjoyable? You make the call, but just in case you opt for the less reactive (and potentially considerably less stressful) option, here is a checklist of practices we’ve found help to make the holidays special and enjoyable for everyone involved:
Show your senior caregiver respect and appreciation for the work they do – Face it, caregiving work is hard on all fronts. It is taxing mentally, physically, and emotionally day after day, and frequently without a lot of gratitude expressed by the one actually being cared for. It is also intimate and frequently invisible work. No one knows or can appreciate the effort it can take to get your grandmother dressed (to her exacting standards, no less) and out the door unless they’ve done it themselves (and gone through five outfit changes!) All anyone sees is Grams looking lovely and being wheeled into the event after a 2-hour prep session.
The remedy for this is outright and ample acknowledgment and appreciation. Be generous and genuine with your thankfulness. Let them know you know there’s so much behind-the-scenes effort that goes into every single day event, every single outing, and every single any thing.
The holidays are an ideal time to show even more appreciation than usual. Spoken words of encouragement, written notes of gratitude, gift cards, even a holiday bonus are all usually welcomed by senior care professionals. As it is with any of us, when your caregiver feels truly seen and valued, they’re also more likely to be even more motivated to offer exceptional care and form even deeper connections with your loved one.
Clear communication heads off lots of potential misunderstandings and frustrations – Nothing like a busier-than-usual social life, a few more obligations at school, work, and church, and the self-imposed pressure to find the perfect gift for a dozen family members to ramp up everyone’s stress level. Toss in a few outspoken or inflammatory relatives that visit once a year and maybe out-of-control expenses, and gracious, you’ve got the makings of an emotional breakdown just waiting to be set off. This is where clear, respectful, forward-looking, communication shines brightest.
The disruption of routine and the familiar rhythms of daily life are inevitable casualties of the holidays. That’s both the beauty and the fun of it all and the challenge of it all—especially for seniors who find so much comfort in dependable schedules and the regularity of routine.
As soon as possible, share with your caregiver your family’s likely holiday schedule of events, trips, and celebrations. It is highly likely there will be extra and/or different hours of care needed, perhaps different responsibilities and skills required, and even the complication of travel involved. Be quick to recognize you want to accommodate your senior caregiver’s plans and traditions, too, and work together to find a schedule that allows everyone to have special and uninterrupted time without the responsibility of caregiving. This can mean rotating shifts with another caregiver or family member as the point person in charge of care or shorter shifts for the days with more activities scheduled. Remember, your caregiver’s family is just as important to them as yours is to you.
Regarding your family’s celebrations, pay special attention to expectations and boundaries as they relate to everyone. Consider things from your caregiver’s point of view. Are they expected to remain at your family’s events or just deliver and pick up your loved one at the appointed times? Will they actively participate (meals, games, etc.) with other family members or focus solely on the person in their care? If travel is involved, what will the accommodations and travel arrangements be?
When the new and different variables of the holidays are addressed openly and early, everyone can find comfort in knowing there is a plan and that someone is clearly in charge of caregiving at any given time. With details such as these in place long before the lights are strung and the parties begin, much of the stress and worry of caring for an elderly loved one can be minimized as much as possible.
Discuss and plan for the loved one’s emotional and social needs as well as their safety and comfort – The holidays can be intense and emotionally charged for our elderly loved ones-especially those who have lost a long-time spouse. It’s not unusual for them to experience feelings of grief, loneliness, and anxiety even amidst the joy and sparkle. Caregivers are usually given an up-close view of how your loved one processes these feelings. Because of this unique perspective, they can provide an insight into triggers and effective coping mechanisms few others are privy to.
Don’t neglect to seek their valuable insight before the season kicks into high gear. Ask what activities tend to bring your family member consistent enjoyment? What type of encounters or experiences are particularly stressful? How do they best provide comfort and regain a sense of calm? Are there signs of discomfort to watch for? When family members know and work to provide enjoyable events (versus overstimulating extravaganzas) for their senior loved ones in conjunction with professional caregivers, the experiences are more enjoyable for all and the value of the caregiver is recognized as one of expertise and knowledge.
In terms of safety and comfort for elderly adults throughout the holidays, attention to detail matters greatly. There can be hazards literally around every corner. Extension cords from Christmas trees, extra chairs squeezed around a dinner table, and children’s toys scattered everywhere can all be obstacles not usually present and difficult and challenging to maneuver—especially for someone with mobility constraints. Beyond these, consider the impact of extra late nights, lots of loud and boisterous conversations, and unfamiliar sleeping arrangements and how they can affect older family members, especially when they are guests in unfamiliar settings. As much as possible, it is helpful to have someone as a designated assistant nearby at all times—especially when navigating crowded quarters. Someone to guide and support or walk ahead and clear the path can mean the difference between a catastrophic fall and an uneventful move to the den for a game of cards. The extra effort to accommodate elderly family members in new and less familiar settings is well worth the consequence of a misstep and the extended recovery that accompanies a broken hip.
More than anything, and if approached proactively, the holidays can create the opportunity for a season of shared care between professional senior caregivers and loving family members. Joyful and meaningful holiday celebrations don’t just happen—especially when the care of an elderly loved one is part of the equation. As schedules fill and work/family/social obligations seem to compound daily, it benefits everyone involved in the caregiving equation when a balanced and compassionate team is in place, when all the many logistics are taken into consideration and planned for, and the comfort and well-being of your loved one is honestly evaluated.
At Mom’s Best Friend, we’re the first to recognize that navigating the rush of the holidays is so much to think of, so much to plan for, and oftentimes, just another line item on your to-do list. But ultimately, one thing we’ve witnessed year after year is this: taking the time now to set a few parameters in place and making accommodations (as much as possible) in advance of all the holiday happenings can help this season of celebration to be the best and most rewarding time spent making special memories with and for your aging family member and the family that loves them.
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