It happens slowly—almost imperceptibly at first. Maybe Mom has a couple of fender-benders in the grocery store parking lot or Dad tries to tackle an in-home repair that used to be a simple fix but is now considerably more challenging.
You can’t help but wonder, “Do they need help?”
- “If so, how much?”
- “Where do I begin?”
- “Who do I call?”
- “Who can I trust and what can they afford?”
- “Is this forever or do they just need to move to one of those places?”
Taking the first steps towards helping an older adult (or adults) experiencing a decline in functional abilities is oftentimes overwhelming. One question leads to another and then to another and so on. It seems like there’s an endless number of variables involved and everyone involved has a robust opinion about ‘what is right.’ Add to the mix emotions running high, the considerable cost associated with every option, and the dreadful experiences of a few who have already walked this journey.
You want to do what is ‘right,’ you want to honor the wishes of your aging parents, and you want to be respectful of their desire to remain as independent as possible and in their home as long as is feasible. More and more, senior adults are opting to age in place—to remain in their homes, their neighborhoods, and amongst well-established family and/or friends as long as possible. No doubt, the familiar is comfortable to us all, but especially to senior adults taking in the tremendously fast-changing world, what is familiar is sacred.
Fortunately, helping you find and hire in-home help is one of our most outstanding services at Mom’s Best Friend. We know just where to begin and where to go from there. We know which questions to ask, what concerns you have, and how to bring all the pieces together to best accommodate your loved one. Most importantly, we know how important it is that in-home placements go well beyond a basic checklist; we know that inviting a caregiver into the home of your parent(s) is an enormous leap of faith, and we know how very vital it is that both those giving and those receiving the support truly enjoy a trusting relationship.
Indications it may be time to get help
The consensus amongst experienced family caregivers to those newly approaching this life stage with loved ones is this: “If you’re already wondering when it’s time to seek out more help, then the time is probably now.”
A decline in personal hygiene is usually one of the telltale indications an older adult is in need of caregiving assistance. It is normal for older adults not to bathe or shower as often as they previously have, but some regularity remains a necessity. Wearing the same outfits for days at a time or clothes after they’ve become dirty is also another indication they are struggling physically and/or mentally to tend to these routine tasks.
Additionally, failure to take medications as prescribed may be a sign of decline as can an empty (or almost empty) pantry or refrigerator. Additionally, conspicuous and dangerous home items in need of obvious repair and lack of attention to financial matters or bill paying can also be indications. Even seemingly insignificant cuts and bruises can be signs of decreased mobility and coordination that can lead to more serious injuries.
The traditional trajectory
If you’re like many adults with aging parents and your location permits, it is likely you’ve stepped in and filled in for many of the initial lapses in your parent’s declining functional abilities. You handle the grocery shopping, drop off meals on a regular basis, take them to a never-ending stream of medical appointments, change the sheets, straighten up a bit each time you stop by. And you do it all out of love.
We also are the first to recognize all this caretaking can be a lot. And while their list of needs is always on the increase, you still have the demands of your immediate family life, possibly a professional life, and a million other things on your plate.
Seeking the assistance of trained caregivers to step in and provide care for your parents is not an admission of weakness by any means. In fact, quite the contrary—it is a sign of strength. Strength of your convictions to care for them well, strength of character to offer more than you alone are capable of, and strength of resolve to find the most qualified and absolutely best suited individual(s) to lovingly care for them.
This is where Mom’s Best Friend shines brightest.
How to get the caregiving conversation started
When it comes to broaching the subject of in-home care for your loved ones, it is always preferable to do so before a crisis presents itself. While conditions are still acceptable and emotions are relatively calm, it is much easier to begin the conversations about bringing in outside help. It is also helpful to remember moving towards hiring outside help is not usually a ‘one and done’ conversation. It normally consists of several conversations between all the involved parties with time between these talks to process the proposition, evaluate the concerns of all, and to consider all the viable alternatives. It can be a delicate subject and one that is not always welcomed—especially by the eldest members of the family.
Here are a few suggestions to keep in mind when initiating these discussions:
- Remember the ones subject to the caregiving have, in fact, likely been caregivers all their adult life. That means, for the last 50-60ish years they have been the ones looking out for others’ well-being. With such well-trod practices in place, it can be a difficult, if not uncomfortable, transition to become the ones receiving the care. Remember also, that you’re speaking with adults who have carried the responsibilities of living for decades and that to address them as incapable or incompetent children is rarely accepted well. It is, after all, their life, being discussed. A respectful tone and carefully chosen words can go a long way towards how well your suggestions are received.
- Share with them specific examples of circumstances or conditions that have led you to your point of concern. Be prepared if their initial reaction is to discount these events as minor missteps, things that happen ‘to everyone,’ or that your concerns are appreciated but unwarranted. At this point, discussions may continue or maybe this conversation serves only as an initial entry into what will undoubtedly be an ongoing and evolving discussion as options are explored. Going forward, it is a good idea to keep a running list of events to further support your proposal for bringing in outside help at a later date.
- Let your parents know how helpful an additional caregiver would be to you. Share the advantages of someone regularly showing up and addressing predetermined needs—someone who takes an intentional approach to helping them maintain their independence versus a more scattered and sporadic attempt. Highlight the reduced stress having a dependable caregiver would provide in your life and the freedom it would allow you to do more enjoyable activities with them versus the ’have-to’ tasks.
- Finally, in some instances it is also helpful to present the opinions of knowledgeable, outside contributors who know the circumstances. This could be one of your parents’ doctors, a hospital social worker (met from a recent stay), or even an aging life care professional—an individual specifically trained in assessing and meeting the needs of older adults. Each of these people are uniquely qualified to speak knowledgeably and compassionately about best possible options.
The whole caregiving gig can, at times, seem to be nothing more than a constant parade of responsibilities. With literally no end to the range of options available for in-home care for aging parents, determining what is needed now, predicting what will be needed later, and striking the right balance is no small feat. Add on family dynamics, financial considerations, heightened emotions, and declining physical and mental faculties, and it quickly becomes too much to process.
At Mom’s Best Friend Senior and Elder, we get it. We really get it. And we want to help you every step of this unexplored journey.
We’ll simplify and strategize—the needs , the wants, the limits, and the possibilities. We’ll help you prioritize and plan and vet the most qualified candidates available in the Dallas/Fort Worth market. And once hired, we’ll help with the onboarding and the introductory period. We’ll follow up with you, your loved ones, and your caregiver. We’ll tweak whenever necessary, applaud whenever possible, and remain in contact as long as you need to feel fully comfortable that your loved ones are in the best possible caregiving hands available.
We’re here for you, your loved ones, and as proud representatives of the most outstanding elderly caregivers in the state. We consider it our mission to make each placement the best possible placement because, after all, it’s family…your family. Our services are available across the DFW Metroplex, in cities like Dallas, Highland Park, University Park, Plano, Frisco, Southlake, Flower Mound, Argyle, and more.
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